Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
NOT SO MUCH OF A POST BUT A DECLARATION
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Enjoying pain or sure i'd love it if you punch me in the face
I wish that i could figure things out. I try so damn hard to accomplish things in my life but I don't really succeed. Recently I have been reading "Valis" by Philip K. Dick, and there is a portion, the most recent chapter that I have read, in which he describes masochism. An everyday understanding of this term would describe the idea of masochism as one who enjoys pain. To paraphrase his lengthy description of this idea, he shows the massive contradiction in the idea of enjoying pain; to enjoy something is to find pleasure in something, pain is the emotional response to an unpleasant feeling. Therefore the everyday idea of masochism, which is enjoying pain, in fact means that one receives pleasure from something that they feel to be unpleasant. Contradiction yes, but only in semantics. I will get to that idea in a bit, first I will expound upon the ideas that he describes. To quote Dick on his interpretation on the ideas of Theodor Reik and masochism in modern man[kind],"a human beings sees something bad which is coming as inevitable. There is no way to halt the process; he is helpless. This sense of helplessness generates a need to gain some control over the impending pain-- any kind of control will do. This makes sense; the subjective feeling of helplessness is more painful than the impending misery. So the person seizes control over the situation in the only way open to him: he connives to bring on the impending misery; he hastens it. This activity on his part promotes the false impression that he enjoys pain. Not so. It is simply that he cannot any longer endure the helplessness or the supposed helplessness. But in the process of gaining control over the inevitable misery he becomes, automatically, anhedonic (which means being unable or unwilling to enjoy pleasure). Anhedonia sets in stealthily over the years it takes control of him. For example he learns to defer gratification; this is a step in the dismal process of anhedonia." He furthers this idea, and this is where i will stop for now. The reason for this is to get back to the original statement; the enjoyment of pain. According to the dictionary on my MacBook, to enjoy is to take delight or pleasure in (an activity or occasion), pain is physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury or mental suffering or distress, helplessness is being unable to defend oneself or to act without help, and control is the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events. So if I am unable to defend myself against something that will cause me pain, I feel helpless, but instead of being afraid of what I know, or believe I know, will happen, I take control of the impending pain. I enjoy the control, i take pleasure in being able to control what happens to me, even if it is pain, and if it is pain that I have coming to me that, and I am sure of the fact that pain will come, then the impending pain is the only thing that I can be certain of controlling. Therefore the original idea of enjoying pain holds up, though highly misinterpreted, the idea of masochism, is still enjoying pain, because, as i have previously stated, it is a form of control. So I am a masochistic, i guess.
"ain't no color pain can cover the stains
the pictures on the walls will all remain
and even though he's home now sound and safe
surrounded by the faces that he places faith
the images visit from the past he witnessed
can't stay away from memories
sticks with each detail imbedded stone
like he chisels those convictions into his bones
the progress stops and pauses
spits and sputters like the basement faucet
and its obvious he's lost in his regrets
you can smell it on his breathe"
Atmosphere-Painting
Monday, May 19, 2008
Life After College and Its Wondrous Opportunities or Thanks, I'll Have Another Beer
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
this has to be a joke
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I am a Dinosaur... or Why I am finally accepting the reality of a digital world?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Be as honest as possible, I hate bull shit, and I won't be offended
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